Its A Matter of NonFiction

My new home shall consist of a cardboard box, my cat, some music and old ratty clothes. My life as a hermit. Screw it all.
Screw women.
Screw society.
Screw feelings.
I'd be better off as a hermit.
No human interaction whats-oh-ever.
Think about my dislike of humans and people in general.
I can't keep friends for very long, I push people away.
I like being alone.
I can't get hurt being alone and a hermit.
I'm never going to find that "perfect" person for me and i REFUSE to lower my standards for less.
I know that when I am truly in love I will be able to still love the person despite their flaws.
I made a mistake on this one. I trusted my heart to just write her note.
A short and vague one but the type where anyone would get what i' m talking about. no response.
So I made a bigger idiot of myself. What else is new.
The tension is so thick you can cut it with a knife, then take that knife and please just stab me with it. over and over again.
I promise I will enjoy every moment of it.
I can see it now, crimson red blood staining my clothes on this corpse body, torn flesh and spilling guts. ..my jaw open with horror- the fun kind of course- my right palm is facing up and my legs all bent sideways. my left hand twisted because i broke it before the stabbing...My heart lies 6 feet away from me-because i specifically asked you to cut it out after stabbing me- my heart lies on the ground and with the last thump of hope- it beats once- then it dies.
I never said it would be the end of the world.
Just the end of me. In this life time anyway.
No offense to my dear friends- I couldn't tell them about my disappearance to my new hermit way of life. They have their own lives...in the "normal" world.
If my point of view comes as a shock of morbid surprise then you really don't know me.
For those of you who saw it coming, congrats!
you inherit a piece of my liver...and some of my brains.
Honestly- where are the fish in the sea?
I've been in a submarine and all i see are sharks and eels and random ucky fish.
There's also the "just friends" kind. I just don't have the heart to tell them its never gonna happen.Like I said before-basically - i'm picky. I want what I can't have.
I ask you one last favor-
Tie my head to the end of a vehicle , and drive as fast as you can until you reach the edge of the earth- jump out and watch my massacre of a body fall unto the volcano of lava. Just make sure you cut off my pinky-the one with the tiny mole on it. Give it to my sister in memory of me. To my friends- you get my once exotic hermit home- cardboard garage and all.
Down the dark abyss of depression i go.
Remember you can visit me at my hermit mansion on Dark Abyss Drive- I probably won't answer.

Keeping it simple

searching...
identity.
acceptance.
a cure.
at a loss....
words.
feelings.
movements.
caution....
love.
truth.
trust.
leaving...
mystery.
you.
everything.

scar

Four days ago, on a Wed nite, i burned the back of my thigh with an iron. accidental. i still have a mark, more like its gonna be a scar 4ever...bout one and a half inches long and as wide as a speggetti noodle. its all red and blistery. The initail burn took maybe 10 seconds, the after sting took an hour and well i'm an idoit. I kind of wish i did it on purpose. i wish the stinging pain would last....

?

im a dumb ass. plain and simple.